The 30-Second LOST (Season 2)

(Jack, Locke, and Kate finally enter the hatch only to discover....)

DESMOND: Who're you and what are you doing in my hatch, brother?

KATE: Plane crash.

LOCKE: Destiny.

JACK: I'm getting de ja vu.

HURLEY: Hey, awesome, there's like food and showers and guns down here. Enough for everybody. That's just convenient. So, like, why're you living in a hole in the ground, dude?

DESMOND: I was trying to win a boat race around the world to impress the love of my life, Penny. But I crashed here and have been spending the last 3 years pushing a button every 108 minutes.

JACK: Why?

DESMOND: Just saving the world.

LOCKE: Let me in on that action.

(Meanwhile... just when you think they can't possibly add more characters to a small, invisible island in the middle of the Pacific, Sawyer, Michael, and Jin wash up on the other side of the island where they find the survivors from the tail section of their plane! Including...)

ANA LUCIA: Don't mess with me. I don't trust any of you. Especially you, Huckleberry.

SAWYER: I like her.

MR. EKO: Welcome, brothers. May I offer you guidance? I am a druglor.... um.... I mean a priest.

LIBBY: Hi guys! So, the Others kind of killed or kidnapped the rest of us. Can we join your camp?

SAWYER: Great. More mouths to feed. Unless our people found an underground bunker full of food, I don't how we'll do it.

HURLEY: Sawyer! Jin! Michael! You're back! Guess what? We found an underground bunker full of food! Oh, hi there... (blushes)

LIBBY: Hi there, yourself.

MR. EKO: Can I push the button too? I also would like to save the world.

DESMOND: Hey, go for it, sucker.... I mean, friend... I mean... Oh, whatever. I'm outta here! (Gets on his hidden sail boat and sails away.)

MICHAEL: I spend all that time building a raft and there was a sailboat on this island the whole time! (sighs) Anyway, I'm gone too. I have to find Walt. WAAALLLLTTT!

(wanders off into the jungle)

SAYID: Speaking of finding things, look what Roussaeu found.

(Shows them his prisoner - an eerie man with bug eyes.)

PRISONER: Look, whoever you think I am, I'm not.

JACK: Who should we think you are?

PRISONER: Henry Gale, a crashed balloonist.

SAWYER: A balloon crash? Who are you, the all powerful Oz?

HENRY GALE?: What? It could happen. Weird things crash here.

SAYID: I don't believe you. (hits him around)

HENRY GALE?: Okay, you got me. I'm one of the Others. I had you going there for a minute though, didn't I?

MICHAEL: I'm back! I know where Walt is! Now if Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley will come with me...

(They all shrug and ignore him.)

MICHAEL: They took my boy.... right out of my hands! Are you people going to help me or not?!

JACK: Are you okay, Michael? You've got this crazy look to your eye...

MICHAEL: WALT! WALT!

SAWYER: This guy's coo-coo for coco puffs.

HURLEY: I don't wanna go.

CHARLIE: I'll go.

MICHAEL: No! It has to be Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley!

ANA LUCIA: Man, I don't know you, but you need to chill.

MICHAEL: (points) What in the world can that be?!

(Everybody turns. Michael shoots Ana Lucia and Libby and frees the captured Other.)

HURLEY: Uncool, dude. Uncool.

JACK: We have GOT to stop falling for that.

MICHAEL: Um... that Other did it.

SAWYER: Dang, it's always the cute ones that get themselves shot. Hey, Freckles, so you're still alive, and I'm still alive...

KATE: Cram it, Sawyer. I'm sort of with Jack now. I'm 99% sure this time.

MICHAEL: Now we can all go get Walt.

(Michael, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley go.

Desmond washes up back on the beach.)

DESMOND: So, the island's not going to let any of us leave. This is all just some mad experiment dreamt up by the Dharma Initiative. We're guinea pigs, brother.

LOCKE: I've lost my faith. I'm not pushing the stupid button anymore.

MR. EKO: Well then, I am!

(They squint at each other in silence.)

LOCKE: I think there's only room for one intense believer on this island. Hey, I looked into the smoke monster. I bet you can't do that.

MR. EKO: Oh, yeah!

(Leaves the hatch. Locke locks him out.)

MR. EKO: Hey, no fair!

LOCKE: Now we'll see who's crazy and who's dead! Let that clock ran out.

(Desmond looks over a series of numbers and dates.)

DEMOND: Wait a minute. As I recall, the last time I didn't push the button was the same day your plane crashed. I crashed your plane! We have to push the button! It's all real!

(Locke stands in a pile of crushed computer bits.)

LOCKE: My bad.

(The clock runs down. The hatch shakes and metal things start imploding.)

DESMOND: (takes out a key) I really hoped I wouldn't have to do this. I have a feeling things are just going to get weird from here on in.

LOCKE: Just do whatever it is! We're imploding here! Besides, how much weirder can things possibly get?

(Desmond goes to the basement and turns the failsafe key. The world turns white. The sky turns purple...

Meanwhile, on the other side of the island, Jack, Kate, Sawyer, and Hurley are captured and bound by the Others.)

JACK: Note to self - Never follow 'crazy' into the jungle.

KATE: Note to self - Stop following Jack into the jungle.

SAWYER: Note to self - Get off this frickin' island!

HURLEY: Dude, why is the sky purple?

NOT HENRY GALE: Haha! Not only am I not Henry Gale, but I am also the LEADER of the Others! My real name's Ben. Suck it, losers!

MICHAEL: Can me and Walt go now?

BEN: Yeah, yeah. As we agreed, you betray your friends, I let you and the kid go home. Whatever. The kid was getting too tall to remain believably on the show anyhow.

(Michael and Walt sail away in a boat provided by the Others.)

BEN: Now who's ready to meet the Others?

(Gags and blindfolds our heroes. The season ends.)

AUDIENCE: But WHY??? WHO??? ARGHH!!!!

Who is Ben? Where is he taking our heroes? Why did the sky turn purple? Did Locke, Desmond, and Eko explode, or are they all just sitting around on the beach having margaritas while they wait for our real heroes to return? Tune in next season for the answers with Lost Season 3!

The 30-Second LOST (Season 1)

(An eye opens. It's JACK Shepherd. He's in the middle of the jungle. People are screaming in the distance.)
JACK: What happened? Where am I?
(He runs through the jungle to find himself on a beach in the middle of the wreckage of a crashed plane!)
JACK: Plane crash... right. Huh, you would think that's something I'd remember. Oh well.
(He goes around saving people because, of course, he's a doctor. Eventually, he comes across KATE hiding in the jungle.)
JACK: What are you doing out here?
KATE: Not running from the law, if that's what you're implying!
JACK: Say, you're kind of cute and kind of handy. Want to stick around?
KATE: I don't know...
(Jack takes off his shirt.)
KATE: Okay, I'm in.
CHARLIE: Hey guys, me too!
(Jack and Kate look at each other and shrug. The three of them head off into the jungle. Meanwhile...)
LOCKE: Look at me! I couldn't walk before, but now I can! This island is magic, I tell you!
SAWYER: Okay whatever, Yoda. Alls I care about is looking out for number one, if you know what I mean.... Hey, who's that freckled girl with the shirtless guy over there? She likes shirtless guys, huh? I'll show her who can be shirtless! (wears his shirt for as little as possible for the remainder of the series)
MICHAEL: Maybe this plane crash can help me bond with my estranged son, Walt.
WALT: That's lame, Dad. I'm gonna go hang with that old dude with the magic legs.
JIN: (something angry in Korean)
SUN: I also do not speak a word of English. I mean....
HURLEY: Dude, don't you think it's like weird and stuff that we all have names that are vague literary references that somehow perfectly suit our characters? And that we all have kind of met in these random ways in our pasts? And that almost all of us survived a massive plane wreck that probably should have instantly killed us all?
SAWYER: While we're on it, Stay-Puft, don't you think it's weird that no matter how long we're on this island, you will never lose any weight? (shoots an attacking polar bear) I suppose you thing that was strange too?
HURLEY: Hey, it's all cool, dude. Just so long as those evil numbers, like the ones that have been causing all the bad luck in my life, aren't here, everything will be fine.
(Jack, Kate, and Charlie come out of the jungle.)
JACK: So, we found the pilot, and he said that we were way off course. There's no way a rescue party will ever find us.
CHARLIE: And then he got beaten to death by a giant smoke monster. (sniffs)
SAWYER: What drugs you been on, Frodo?
CHARLIE: Actually, it's--
(Smoke monster causes a commotion in the woods. Everybody panics.)
SAYID: I am sorry to interrupt, but using my training in the Iraq national guard, I have managed to fix a radio using little other than old wires and coconuts. With this, I found out that there is a crazy woman named Rousseau living on this island who may be able to help us.
ROUSSEAU: The Others took my baby and they will take hers too!
(Points at the very pregnant CLAIRE)
CHARLIE: Ooh, I call dibs! (quickly puts his arm around Claire)
ETHAN: Others? Please! That woman's obviously crazy. (points into the jungle) What in the world can that be!
(When they look, Ethan kidnaps Claire and Charlie. They escape. Charlie shoots Ethan.)
CHARLIE: Didn't you hear me call dibs?
LOCKE: Hey, everyone, I found this hatch-thing out in the middle of the jungle. I think it's my destiny to open it. Anybody bored or stupid enough to help me figure out how to?
BOONE: I am!
(In their travels, Boone gets crushed by an old bi-plane and dies. At the same time, Claire has her baby and names him Aaron, for no apparent reason.)
JACK: That's enough! No more hatches, no more smoke monsters, no more Others! There's no such thing as destiny. There has to be a scientific explanation for all of-- (sees his dead father in the forest and goes off following him)
SAWYER: (to Kate) What do you see in that guy?
KATE: I have a thing for men with Daddy issues.
SAWYER: Why didn't ya say so, Freckles? Wait till you hear my story--
JACK: Okay, I'm back. New plan. If we all move into these caves over here...
MICHAEL: Oh, no. I'm building a raft to get me and my boy off this island. Who wants to help?
KATE: I think I should stay with Jack... maybe...
SAWYER: Fine! I'm outta here! I've had enough of this hunk of dirt!
JIN: I... help... too. Learn... English... quickly.
ROUSSEAU: The Other's are coming! Tonight! They will kill you all!
JACK: We should hide somewhere.
LOCKE: (faking a cough) ....in the hatch!
(Rousseau leads them to an old pirate ship in the middle of the jungle called the 'Black Rock' where they find some dynamite.)
CHARLIE: Guys, where are we?
HURLEY: Kinda missed your moment, dude.
(Michael, Walt, Sawyer, and Jin launch their raft.)
MICHAEL: We're on our way home, Walt! Smooth sailing! Soon it'll be just me, you, our dog Vincent, and that curiously fast approaching ship...
(The Others show up in a boat of their own, lead by the bearded "Mr. Smiley".)
SMILEY: Give us the boy.
SAWYER: Over my dead body.
(The Others shoot at them, kidnap Walt, and destroy the raft. Michael, Sawyer, and Jin swim back to the mainland. Meanwhile...)
LOCKE: Well, here it is. Just like I said.
(Jack and Kate set up dynamite to blow the lid off the hatch. Hurley notices that the serial number on it is the exact same bad numbers that had caused all his bad luck before!)
HURLEY: Evil numbers! Evil numbers! Don't do it!
(They blow it open anyway and look inside.......
the season ends.)
AUDIENCE: Oh, come on!

WHAT'S IN THE HATCH? WHO ARE THE OTHERS? WILL SAWYER EVER MAKE IT WITH KATE OR BE LEFT ALONE WITH HIS CATCHY NICKNAMES? TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT WHEN WE RETURN WITH "THE 30-SECOND LOST - SEASON 2"!

SCREEN SHOTS! 2010 Academy Award Edition (Part 2)

TITLE: District 9

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Visual Effects, Best Editing

RATED: R (for bloody violence and pervasive language)

GENRE: Sci Fi/Action

LANGUAGES: English / Nyanja / Afrikaans

STARS: Sharlto Copley, Jason Cope, Nathalie Boltt

NOTABLE CREW: Director/Writer - Neill Blomkamp, Writer - Terri Tatchell, Editor - Julian Clarke, Producer - Peter Jackson

SUMMARY: A race of aliens called the "Prawns" have crash landed in Johnnesburg, South Africa and have no hope of returning home. Segregated to a ghetto-like refugee camp, the Prawns are only trying to stay alive. When the corporation that owns the camp decides to evict the Prawns to an even worse ghetto, Wikus (Copley), a mild-mannered paper pusher, is given the job of carrying it out. But something goes wrong which forces Wikus to change both in his predudices and in his biology. Now he is on the run with a new Prawn friend to help him get back into his ship and find a way home.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Between the gorgeously bug-like aliens, the tangible style of the story-telling technique, and the weighty moral commentary reminiscent of classic sci fi, I absolutely loved it! This is how science fiction is supposed to be. It is supposed to mean something!

COOL FACTOIDS: Contrary to popular belief, this movie is the brain child of director Neill Blomkamp, not Peter Jackson. The idea came from Blomkamp's short film "Alive in Joburg" made in his hometown of Johannesburg.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: All my science fiction comrades out there, as well as anyone interested in the (not too subtle) moral commentary about how we as a species treat people (or aliens) who are 'different' from ourselves.

SHOULD IT WIN?: It definitely should have been nominated, but I don't think I foresee gold in its future, as cool as that would be.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Actor Sharlto Copley! A friend of the director, it was never intended for Copley to be a star. But after playing Wickus for a few screen tests Blomkamp decided he was perfect for the role. Copley brings Wickus' unbelievable metamorphosis to life with his very believable every-man attitude. Nicely done, Sharlto!

TITLE: Inglourious Basterds

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Directing, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Sound, Best Sound Editing, Best Original Screenplay, Best Supporting Actor (Christoph Waltz)

RATED: R (for graphic violence, language, and brief sexuality)

GENRE: Drama / Thriller / War

LANGUAGES: English / German / French / Italian

STARS: Brad Pitt, Melanie Laurent, Christoph Waltz, Eli Roth, Michael Fassbender, Diane Kruger

NOTABLE CREW: Writer/Director - Quentin Tarantino, Cinematographer - Robert Richardson, Editor - Sally Menke

SUMMARY: In Nazi-occupied France, a small band of Jewish-American solidiers led by Lt. Aldo Raine (Pitt) reek brutal revenge on every Nazi they can find. Meanwhile, Shosanna (Laurent), a Jewish woman orphaned by the war, plans a special kind of revenge of her own. Their paths converge on the path of Col. Hans Landa (Waltz), resulting in an evening of brutal, bloody mayhem.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: A good half-hour of overly drawn out suspense could have been edited out, and I don't think anyone would notice. You know that moment where suspense holds on just long enough that if a fly landed on the wall you would jump clear out of your seat? Well, a lot of the scenes in this movie pass that moment without saying hello so that when something DOES happen, you wake up from your nap and cry out FINALLY! They're cool moments, don't get me wrong, but boy could this have used a new editor!

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Tarantino fans. Bloody war movie fans. Dark comedy enthusiasts. History buffs... you might want to skip this one.

SHOULD IT WIN?: Probably not. So many good moments, but not cohesive enough as a complete picture.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Actor Christoph Walz! Waltz's portrayal of the infamous "Jew Hunter" was both refined and terrifying. There is absolutely no wonder that he's been nominated for Best Supporting Actor this year. He deserves it. Nicely done, Christoph!

TITLE: A Serious Man

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Original Screenplay

RATED: R (for language, some sexuality/nudity and brief violence)

GENRE: Comedy / Drama

LANGUAGES: English / Yiddish / Hebrew

STARS: Michael Stuhlbarg, Richard Kind, Fred Melamed, Sari Lennick

NOTABLE CREW: Writers/Directors - Joel & Ethan Coen

SUMMARY: A black comedy about the life of Larry Gopnik, a Jewish physics professor who watches his life unravel before his eyes and looks to God and science to decifer what it all might mean.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Thought provoking and funny as the downward spiral of a man's life can be. Very well done but, like many of the Coen brothers' recent films, left me walking away thinking, 'Well, what was the point of that?' The little prolouge myth at the beginning (which has nothing to do with the rest of the film except to set the tone) was my favorite thing.

COOL FACTOIDS: There are many biblical allusions laced throughout the film, including Larry's Job-like life and his encounter with a naked bathing neighbor, resembling David and Bathesheba.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Film buffs everywhere. Action or slapstick junkies: stay at home.

SHOULD IT WIN?: Maybe. Who knows?

NICELY DONE AWARD: The screenwriters who are, of course, Joel and Ethan Coen! They seem to have a nack for making even the simpilest life seem overwhelming and complex. Their research and thought can be easily seen in the rich, period details, heavy yiddish, and complicated physics concepts portrayed in the film. Nicely done, Coens!

TITLE: Up in the Air

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actor (George Clooney), Best Supporting Actress (Vera Farmiga), Best Supporting Actress (Anna Kendrick)

RATED: R (for language and some sexual content)

GENRE: Comedy / Drama / Romance

LANGUAGES: English

STARS: George Clooney, Vera Farmiga, Anna Kendrick, Jason Bateman

NOTABLE CREW: Director/Writer - Jason Reitman, Screenwriter - Sheldon Turner, Novel Author - Walter Kirn

SUMMARY: Ryan Bingham (Clooney) lives to fly. When he's not traveling around the country firing people, he's having romantic trists with his new 'friend' Alex (Farmiga). But then his company does the unthinkable, outsource his job to computers and threatens to ground him for good. Now accompanied by Natalie (Kendrick), a young overachiever, he must answer the question, 'What is really worth holding on to in life?'

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Funny, but not too funny. Dramatic, but not too dramatic. It goes down smooth, but leaves your brain a rolling over the all too easy to relate to themes.

COOL FACTOIDS: With the exception of the famous actors, every person portraying a person being fired is not an actor, but a real person who has been recently laid off. They were instructed to use the camera like a confessional.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Anyone, but I particularly recommend it for anyone in a state of transition in your life, such as finding or losing a job. This film was made for you.

SHOULD IT WIN?: You know, I think so. But its laid-back, light handed touch on its topic might be no match for the heavy dose of reality brought on by its competitors. We shall see.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Actress Anna Kendrick! You know what you know her from but can't quite seem to place? Twilight. That's right, she was Jessica, the annoying best friend in Twilight. She's come a long way in a short time, and has done an amazing job raising her character of Natalie from the standing of cardboard college graduate to a sympathetic, funny, and likeable human being. Nicely done, Anna!

---

Okay, I admit I have not seen every Best Picture nominee. (What? They're not all on DVD yet!) But here are the final nominees. I will update them later with my reviews after I've seen them. Hey, by then we'll know who won!

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TITLE: The Blind Side

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Actress (Sandra Bullock)

RATED: PG-13 (for one scene involving brief violence, drug and sexual references)

GENRE: Drama / Biography / Sport

LANGUAGES: English

STARS: Sandra Bullock, Tim McGraw, Quinton Aaron

NOTABLE CREW: Director - John Lee Hancock, Book Author - Michael Lewis

SUMMARY: Michael Oher (Aaron), a homeless african-american youngster, is taken in by Leigh Anne (Bullock) and her family, a well-to-do white family. As they help him achieve his dreams, his presence in their lives leads them to some insightful self-discoveries of their own.

COOL FACTOIDS: Julia Roberts was offered the lead role of Leigh Anne Tuohy before it was given to Sandra Bullock.

TITLE: An Education

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress (Carey Mulligan)

RATED: PG-13 (for mature thematic material involving sexual content and for smoking)

GENRE: Drama

LANGUAGES: English / French

STARS: Carey Mulligan, Olivia Williams, Alfred Molina, Cara Seymour

NOTABLE CREW: Director - Lone Scherfig, Screenwriter - Nick Hornby, Memoir Writer - Lynn Barber

SUMMARY: Jenny, an intelligent London youth, dreams of being accepted into Oxford. But her life changes when an older man named David enters her life and exposes her to a new type of life and new friends, Danny and Helen. But as she learns more about David and his friends, the more she begins to question which sort of life she should be leading.

COOL FACTOIDS: The author of the original memoir stipulated in her contract that she would be allowed to see and comment on every draft of the screenplay. She mostly approved.

SCREEN SHOTS! 2010 Academy Award Edition (Part 1)

TITLE: Avatar

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Art Direction, Best Editing, Best Original Score, Best Sound, Best Sound Editing, Best Visual Effects

RATED: PG-13

GENRE: Science Fiction / Fantasy

LANGUAGES: English / Na'vi

STARS: Sam Worthington, Zoe Saldana, Sigourney Weaver, Stephen Lang

NOTABLE CREW: Writer/Director James Cameron, Composer James Horner, Cinematographer Mauro Fiore, Editing John Refoua & Stephen E. Rivkin, Production Design Rick Carter, Robert Stromberg

SUMMARY: When Jake (Worthington), a paraplegic war veteran, is given the opportunity to take his scientist brother's place on a mission to the alien planet Pandora, he has nothing left to lose. His mission: to operate an "avatar" resembling one of the alien race of "Na'vi" to act as body guard to the scientists trying to befriend the aliens and liaison to the military trying to destroy the aliens. As Jake gradually develops a bond with the natives, the planet, and a beautiful Na'vi named Neytiri (Saldana), he must learn to look beyond appearances and becomes the Na'vi's best hope to save their home.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Absolutely stunning visuals. Good, but not entirely original, story. (Anyone seen Ferngully?) It was clear that Cameron spent all his efforts on developing the look, but not enough time coaching the actors. The best performances came, surprisingly, from the CG Na'vi characters, rather than from the humans.

COOL FACTOIDS: James Cameron supposedly first got the idea for Avatar from a dream.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: For the visual palette alone, I'd recommend it to anyone.

SHOULD IT WIN?: Visual effects? Yes. Best Picture? No. Strip away the pretty visuals and the performances and the screenplay don't have a glowing tree branch to stand on.

NICELY DONE AWARD: (Do you have to ask?) The Visual Effects team! (Joe Letteri, Stephen Rosenbaum, Richard Baneham, Andy Jones) Everything from the soaring tree tops and glowing puddles of the planet Pandora to the glorious blue skin of the Na'vi themselves, this movie is a feast for the eyes! Nicely done, visual effects team!

Special Mention: Actress Zoe Saldana! You're speaking an imaginary language, hissing, fighting, flying, doing it all from behind a computer generated character, and still out showing Sam Worthington! Between this and Star Trek, I'd say this is just the beginning of a beautiful career. Nicely done, Zoe!

TITLE: The Hurt Locker

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Cinematography, Best Editing, Best Original Score, Best Sound, Best Sound Editing, Best Screenplay, Best Actor (Jeremy Renner)

RATED: R (for war violence and language)

GENRE: Drama/Action/War

LANGUAGES: English / Arabic

STARS: Jeremy Renner, Anthony Mackie, Brian Geraghty

NOTABLE CREW: Director - Kathryn Bigelow, Writer - Mark Boal, Cinematographer - Barry Ackroyd

SUMMARY: Sgt. James (Renner), the new team leader of an army bomb squad in Iraq, has an unconventional and reckless approach to his dangerous occupation. He and his by-the-book squad (Mackie and Geraghty) must learn to work with each other and keep their sanity in tact if they want to survive long enough for their tour of duty to end.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: A gripping look at the sort of physical and psychological terror our soldiers face every day. It may have inaccuracies, but I'm not in a position to tell the difference. Remarkably moving, suspenseful, and well-acted.

COOL FACTOIDS: Director Kathryn Bigelow, nominated this year for Best Director, is the ex-wife of James Cameron, who is also nominated this year for his movie Avatar.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Anyone who doesn't mind the shakey camera docu-style look of the film. I think this style adds to the sense of realism by giving the audience presence, but some people get motion-sick. It's okay. I understand.

SHOULD IT WIN: Yes. Though it has some stiff competition in all its categories. Its strongest category is Best Director.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Director Kathryn Bigelow! There are few truely note-worthy women directors out there, even less that would direct an action film! Her keen sensibility brought a strong sense of emotion and suspense to an otherwise testosterone-heavy story. Nicely done, Kathryn!

TITLE: Precious: Based on the Novel 'Push' by Sapphire

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Director, Best Editing, Best Adapted Screenplay, Best Actress (Gabourey Sidibe), Best Supporting Actress (Mo'Nique)

RATED: R (for child abuse, including sexual assault, and pervasive language)

GENRE: Drama

LANGUAGES: English

STARS: Gabourey Sidibe, Mo'Nique, Paula Patton, Mariah Carey

NOTABLE CREW: Director - Lee Daniels, Screenwriter - Geoffrey Fletcher, Original Story - Sapphire, Editor - Joe Klotz, Executive Producers - Oprah Winfrey & Tyler Perry

SUMMARY: Clarireece 'Precious' Jones (Sidibe) endures unimaginable hardships at the hands of her rapist father and abusive neglectful mother (Mo'Nique). Destitute, obese, 16 years old and pregnant with her second child, Precious, with the help of teacher Ms. Rain (Patton), must find a way to rise above her seemingly hopeless circumstances to find out that there is always something to live for.

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Touching human interest story. The oversaturation of horrible situations in the protagonists' life is almost unbelievable until you remember that this sort of thing can and does happen to young people all the time. A few heavy-handed performances and an ambiguous resolution, but overall a harrowing morality tale.

COOL FACTOIDS: This is the first film of star Gabourey Sidibe, who had to be forced to audition by her friends. She is now nominated for an Oscar!

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Not for the faint of heart. This girl's life is brutal. But I definitely recommend it for anyone 18 and over.

SHOULD IT WIN?: I love rooting for new actors, so go for it Gabourey Sidibe! As for Best Picture, while its filmic quality may not be in the same standing as its competitors, its moving subject matter may be enough to tip the gold its way.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Author, Sapphire! The subject matter is so heavy that it can be difficult to talk about, much less write a book about! Her courage in telling the story of the unlikely protagnist inspired the film and forces the reader/viewer to view that 'angry' teenager in a whole new way. Nicely done, Sapphire!

TITLE: Up

NOMINATIONS: Best Picture, Best Animated Feature, Best Original Score, Best Sound Editing, Best Original Screenplay

RATED: PG

GENRE: Animation/Family/Adventure/Comedy/Drama

LANGUAGES: English

VOICE STARS: Edward Asner (Carl), Christopher Plummer (Muntz), Jordan Nagai (Russell), Bob Peterson (Dug)

NOTABLE CREW: Writers/Directors - Pete Docter, Bob Peterson, Composer - Michael Giancchino

SUMMARY: 70 year-old Carl Fredrikson finally embarks on the adventure of his dreams when he ties balloons to his home to fly it to Paradise Falls, a place where he and his late-wife had always wanted to go. But plans change when he discovers Russell, an optimistic young scout, has stowe-awayed in his home! More adventure comes when they reach Paradise Falls, a land of large birds named Kevin, talking dogs, and a sinister explorer-poacher! Carl must learn that there is more to life than holding onto the past if he is ever to get his new friends to safety!

WHAT I REALLY THINK: Fantastic! Absolutely! Pixar does it again. The first 15 minutes will make you cry, and the last will make you laugh.

WHO SHOULD WATCH IT: Everybody! And I mean that, adults. It's a touching story about an old man coming to terms with grief, a message best understood by adults! Don't worry, there's plenty of laughs, fun, and -- squirrel! -- that will keep the kids viewing too.

SHOULD IT WIN?: Oh, most certainly for Animated Feature. And, dare I say, it deserves that Original Screenplay trophy too. As for Best Picture, I don't imagine that going to an animated one this year, especially with the competition, but I like to dream of a world where a touching, well-written, well-directed, massively appealing movie, even if it's animated, can win Best Picture.

NICELY DONE AWARD: Writer/Directors Pete Docter and Bob Peterson! How you and the Pixar team keep doing it year after year, I don't know, but whatever you're doing, don't stop! Nicely done, Pete and Bob!

How to Choose a Movie: A Renter's Guide

I know. You’re bored. You’re tired. You want nothing more than to go home, throw in a DVD, snuggle up with your significant other and/or a small furry mammal and relax for a couple of hours. But there’s a problem. You have no idea what you actually want! What’s out? What’s good? Is it something the other person will like? Is it something you would actuallyenjoy sans other people (as opposed to pretending to enjoy just because the people around you are pretending to enjoy it too)? These are questions that make the process of renting (or downloading, Hello, Netflix users!) much more stressful than it needs to be. So here’s a few tips that will hopefully ease your distress:

1. If you’re looking for something specific, know specifically what you’re looking for!

This seems obvious, but all too many people drive all the way down to the video store with an itch to see the rest of that movie they saw the first five minutes of on TV the other week, and have no idea what it’s called. While your helpful video store associate most likely has watched more movies than you, you cannot rely on them having an encyclopedic knowledge of the entire history of cinema. Occasionally they eat and sleep too, and he/she has probably not seen “that movie with that scene with that lady, who was in that other thing I can’t remember, flying a helicopter”. My suggestion: www.imdb.com. Go there. Look it up. If you can’t remember ANY of the actors’ names or crew members names, try the TV guide. Better hurry. I hear they’re rerunning that movie with that funny actor you really like. You know the one, he teams up with that other famous dude and they solve crimes. Remember? There’s a dog too. Maybe. That might be another movie...

2. What mood are you in?

This seems easy too, right? I mean, right now I’m feeling kind mellow, so I can go for a light comedy, or a romance, or a fun sci-fi, or perhaps I’m ready to tackle one of those meaty, depressing, intellectual films? Let’s take this back a notch. First off, obviously, consider who you’re watching it with. If it’s the family, you’re probably getting a light-hearted family movie. If it’s the significant other, you want something with at least some romance in it (for girls) or some action in it (for boys). If it’s a film discussion group, go ahead and get that meaty, depressing, intellectual film. ‘But what about me?’ You think. ‘What do I want to see?’ My advice is to not think about what mood you are in right now. Think about what mood you want to be in. How do you want to feel when the movie’s over and the credits roll? Happy? Relieved? Excited? Energetic? Thoughtful? Enlightened? Inspired? Just because it’s the latest thing out and it’s nominated for an academy award, doesn’t mean it’s what you need right now. Sometimes what you need right now is a senseless, corny, popcorn flick or an old favorite from your childhood. The point is... You already know what you want to see, at least the emotion of it. Don’t let yourself be pressured by what you think that you should want.

3. Don’t judge a DVD by its front cover...

...its back cover tells you much more. If you’re worried that little synopsis will give too much away, don’t. You won’t learn anything more than you’ve already seen in the preview. Unless this is a movie you already know something about, it’s important to at least skim the synopsis. Just because there’s a man with a gun on the cover, does not mean it’s an action flick. Sometimes it’s a low-key human drama with only one or two scenes featuring gun play. You would never know this unless you READ THE SYNOPSIS. Sometimes it features smiling people in front of a pretty countryside and appears to be something uplifting and inspirational, but how many uplifting words do you see in that synopsis? Are there words in the synopsis like “struggle”, “heartache”, or “brutal past”? The film might be about the downward spiral of a quirky but ultimately doomed character, or it might end happily enough, but begin with some heavy scenes that you were not prepared for today. If the cover features only the thoughtful face of a famous actor, it can be anything! READ THE SYNOPSIS! You’re not allowed to be surprised by the large content of sex and violence if it is clearly written in the synopsis that your main character is “on the trail of a serial sex offender.” Don’t be surprised if the characters burst out into song either if somewhere in the synopsis are the words “a musical romp” or if anyone solves their issue through “the power of song.” In short: JUST READ THE SYNOPSIS!

SIDE NOTE: CON-MOVIES. It doesn’t hurt to take a careful look at the title also. There are many movies with titles like the movie you are looking for, but they are not. In fact, there are companies that produce cheap movies specifically designed to trick you, the consumer, into renting it by mistake. For example, “Terminators” is not the same as “The Terminator”. “Transmorphers” is not the same as “Transformers”. “I Am Omega” is not the same as “I Am Legend.” And that Sherlock Holmes movie which features a picture of the famous detective fighting – I am not making this up – a dinosaur, a dragon, and a squid, is NOT the same as the new Robert Downey Jr. one. This list can go on and on. When in doubt, ask somebody.

4. Do judge a DVD by the QUALITY of its cover.

You’ve seen enough movie posters and DVD covers by now to notice the difference between a professional one and an unprofessional one, right? Bad photoshop. Lazy font. Dim, unrecognizable pictures. These are all signs of a cheap production value. If the filmmakers did such a poor job designing the DVD, just think of how poorly they did designing the movie! Even if the front is pretty good, look at the still frames on the back. Remember, these pictures are supposed to represent the BEST the film has to offer. Is it someone valiantly poised face-to-face with a kung fu master or is it a blurry, flatly lit frame of a guy kicking a board? Do they even bother to show you the actor’s face? It’s true, there may be a few rare gems mixed in among the bad cover design victims, but don’t rely on chance to pick these out. The odds are against you.

5. New DOES NOT equal better.

I know all the trailers made ‘Super Action Man 4: The Return of the Lemur!’ look really cool, but if you haven’t seen 1-3, see those first. As a general rule, the original is almost always better. (There are exceptions. Batman, for example.) Not only is the original better, but in many outlets, it’s cheaper also! I’m gonna go ahead and apply this rule also to remakes and, one of my favorite new terms, ‘re-imaginings’.

There appears to be a common malady in movie stores to treat old movies as if they were carriers of the swine flu. To this, I have three comments. First of all, many of them are not that old. (The majority of your ‘old’ releases have come out in the past decade.) Secondly, if you haven’t seen it, it’s new to you! Thirdly, your chances are better, yes, BETTER for randomly picking a good movie out of the old section than of randomly finding one on the new release wall. Why? Because the bad movies have no staying power and are eventually sold or shipped off because nobody is renting them.

My advice? Unless there’s something specific and new that you wanted to see, peruse the old release section. I know you think you’ve already seen everything, but trust me, NOBODY has seen everything. Imagine it’s the new release wall. There. Does that help?

6. You can’t judge a movie by its actors.

Well you can. Sometimes. There are three categories by which to measure them: quality, quantity, and genre-hopping.

• Quality. If there is an Academy Award winning actor in it, it is safe to bet on good performances. (Exception: Catwoman. Shudder.) And unless there are explosions on the cover, it is also safe to bet this will be a thought-provoking human drama. I hope that’s what you’re looking for. If this star is a tabloid-headliner, we might be looking at a popcorn flick. If the star is primarily/formerly either a TV star, a musician, a wrestler, a C-list indie star, someone who used to be famous and you thought had dropped off the face of the earth, or any combination of the above categories, put down the movie and back away. There are exceptions to this rule, but you will hear of these exceptions from the entertainment news or from your friends. You will hear the words “break-out star” or “comeback”. Trust these words from reviewers. Do not trust these words from DVD covers or posters. (See Tip #9)
• Quantity. Wow! There’s LOTS of people I’ve heard of in this movie. Some of them have even been nominated for Academy Awards and one of them won a Golden Globe! It MUST be good! Right? Wrong! In fact, be wary of movies that boast too many familiar faces. Most likely they are trying too hard to make up for an unimpressive or confusing story by blinding you with famous people. Even in a decent movie, overkill on the fame can be too distracting. But why would somebody famous be in a bad movie? There are only two reasons. Either they want the money or they believed that this script was the one that would win them that award this time. Usually it’s the money. Especially if they’re anything other than an A-lister. Again, I recommend READ THE SYNOPSIS. Remember, actors don’t make the movies. A whole team of people make the movies, and if any one of them lacks talent, everyone else looks bad too. It’s the sad lot of the film professional.
• Genre-Bending. Never start your search by looking for “the latest (famous actor) movie.” Some actors, having been type-cast for most of their careers, decide that they are too talented to be put in a box and take on projects that are vastly different from what you’ve seen them in before. Many comedians switch to dramatic roles, and do a very good job with it. Many dramatic actors accept roles in comedies movies and also do a very good job. In this instance, you can usually identify the switch fairly easily. If the actor has a goofy smile on the DVD cover, you’re probably looking at one of their usual comedies. If they’re standing thoughtfully against a well-designed backdrop, this might be a drama. Also be mindful that these days many of the best movies are mix-genred: dramatic-comedy, action-drama, comedic-thriller, romantic-action, tragic-comedy, comedic-horror, dramatic-animation and more. Read the synopsis. Your favorite funny actor might not always be funny.

SIDE NOTE: THE Z-LISTERS. You’ve heard of A-list actors before. Even B-list and, thanks to Kathy Griffin, the D-list. But I have decided there needs to be a new category for formerly A-list actors who now make their living by appearing in every low-budget independent movie they can get their hands on. I call them the Z-listers. You’ll know the actors. You probably really loved them ten years ago, but huh, they have a new movie? Gosh, I didn’t know they had a new movie! I don’t remember seeing it in theaters. (It wasn’t!) If this person who did a lot of great stuff ten years ago is in it, it must be good. Right? Sadly, no. The Z-List movies might not be too terrible, but they will be bland, forgettable, and your favorite actor will have gained a lot of weight. They are also almost exclusively straight-to-DVD releases. The Z-List changes over the years. This year’s Z-List includes Val Kilmer, Christian Slater, Ray Liotta, and Cuba Gooding Jr. Again, good actors. Not good movies.

7. Try something new occasionally.

Some people run at the sound of those funny foreign syllables coming out of the characters’ mouths. Some people gag when somebody on screen suddenly bursts into song. Some people take a nap if the majority of the movie appears to be shot much like your local news broadcasts. I get it. You’re not used to these things. And while it may not be your usual style, sometimes it doesn’t hurt to stick with the movie and see what happens. If you truly cannot stand the subtitles, just turn on the English dubbing, and you can still appreciate a surprisingly moving Swedish vampire movie. Or if the music makes you uncomfortable, keep watching, at least half-way, and see if you don’t become interested in the characters or the story, even find yourself singing along to your favorite Beatles songs. If that documentary-style format seems boring at first, keep watching, eventually someone might turn into an alien, and the special effects will be amazing! Going out of your comfort zone provokes thought, and thought deepens your appreciation for what your viewing, or if not what you’re viewing, at least you will love the movies you have always loved even more.

If you still feel you must absolutely avoid these unusual things in your viewing experience, that’s fine. Unfortunately, your average DVD does not loudly advertise whether or not it’s in another language, is a musical, is documentary-like, is in black-and-white, jumps around in time as a story-telling device, or other elements that might make you uncomfortable. You’ll have to look for clues on the cover or in the synopsis. (Hint: If you don’t recognize the actors and they all have hard to pronounce names, it’s probably in another language.) The most reliable thing you can do, of course, is ask somebody to describe the movie to you. They will most likely start their description with the unusual thing, such as “It’s a musical about a serial killer” or “It’s a Spanish ghost story.” If the words of that sentence make you squeamish, put it back. If you like only half of that sentence, why not give it a try? Perhaps the half you didn’t like won’t be so bad when viewed in context.

8. Read the fine print.

Ratings. Language. Widescreen. Length. All these things are somewhere on the cover, but you do have to look for them. They’re usually in the little rectangle on the bottom of the back cover. Parents, I’m sorry, but gone are the days when you could just pick up anything with a superhero or a cartoon character on the cover and assume that it’s safe for your children to view. Many of those are made for adults now and you must be especially discerning when you rent. Check the rating. Read the synopsis. There is also, pretty much always, a place that tells you what language tracks it’s available in and what subtitles are available, if needed. (Again, that little retangular box on the bottom of the back cover.) Many discs are also two-sided now. One side might be 3D and the other regular (hint: you will never rent a 3D movie without there being an option for normal viewing), one might be wide screen and the other full screen, one might be special features and the other the movie. If you don’t have a blu-ray player, don’t rent anything that says “blu-ray” across the top. Pay attention. Read the fine print. It’ll save you a trip.

9. Reviews are your friends. Friends are your reviewers.

Generally, a safe rule is that if you’ve heard of the movie, it’s probably at least descent. Well, well-produced anyway. There are no guarantees for good story. The majority is certainly not always right, but they are your best bet when choosing something quickly. If you’ve heard and read good things about it or if you’re friends are telling you it’s good, you should get it. More than anything, your friends’ opinions will be the most helpful to you, because your friends have similar taste to yours. The person at the video store may be full of trivia and be well-cultured in film lore, but they may also have a vastly different taste from your own, as good as their taste may seem to be. We all have different humors. Your friends are most likely closest to your own. Trust their suggestions (only if they’ve seen it!) first, critics second, video store person third. Again, different tastes. Someone else may hate a movie that you absolutely love. Be a good judge of character and think, ‘Is this the sort of person who I would hang out with in everyday life?’ If the answer is no, there’s a good chance their taste in movies differs from your own too.

Some movies have very good previews but get awful reviews. These exciting previews may feature exciting actors doing exciting things, but if you haven’t heard or read a single good thing about the film itself, don’t be so certain. Previews are designed to make you want to see a movie, not to be honest.

Also be wary of the quotes on the DVD covers themselves. Look at where the quote’s from. Is it a reputable publication or entertainment show, or is it the producer’s mom? Short quotes such as “Exciting!” “Thrilling!” “A Must-See!” should also be taken out of the equation, because these may very easily be out of context from the orginal review.

One last warning. Don’t trust opening weekend box office! That a movie is very popular the week it’s released in the theaters or on video means only one thing: that it is new. The people renting it are just like you, they saw a new movie on the shelf with an exciting, shiny cover which had exciting, shiny previews, and thought it would be good. That’s why its popular its first week. Many very bad movies have rented very well for just this reason. Using the discretion you’ve already learned, judge for yourself whether or not you think it’ll live up to its hype and choose accordingly.

10. If you still picked a turkey...

So you have you’re rental. It has an intriguing synopsis, an A-list cast, a friend of a friend saw it in the theater, and she said that she liked it. You pop some microwave popcorn and push play. After five minutes, you already know. This film is horrible. What do you do? The only thing you can do. Laugh. Invite some friends over. Riff on it. Enjoy the experience if you can’t enjoy the film.

If it’s just too awful to even laugh at, try turning off your TV and playing monopoly. You might not get your money back for the awful rental, but at least you’ll collect $200 every time you pass go.