The Day the Audience Stood Still

A giant liquid sphere lowers slowly over central park. People gather in awe. Out of a bright light comes an expressionless entity. Distant. Still. Inhuman. Nothing escapes its large, vacant stare. There's also a robot.

So we first meet Keanu Reeves' character, Klaatu, in The Day the Earth Stood Still, a remake of the 1951 sci-fi classic. The story is about Klaatu, an alien from an unnamed alliance of planets, who comes to Earth to determine whether or not it should be destroyed. He is shot, captured, and interrogated by government officials. Klaatu escapes with the help of astro-biologist Helen Benson (Jennifer Connelly, A Beautiful Mind) and her step-son Jacob (Jaden Smith, The Pursuit of Happyness). As the three go on the run, it is up to Helen to convince Klaatu that mankind is inherently good so that he will stop the impending destruction.

You have to be careful about adaptations, especially when the original is held up as one of the greats by geeks everywhere. I thought I might give director Scott Derrickson a few pointers, in case he tries this again. Without further ado, 

SEVEN STEPS TO MAKING A GOOD ADAPTATION:

1. R.U.E. Resist the urge to explain! 

This is a popular acronymn used among writers. Magic is mystery. Your audience are not idiots, they do not need the plot spoon-fed to them. In the 1951 version, we knew that Klaatu was, technically, a human, but they never explained where he came from. This contributed to his messianic aura and gave his character a stronger air of dignity. In the new one, the unnecessary scene at the beginning showing where Klaatu's human body came from, sucks just a little bit of magic out of the story.

OTHER RULE-BREAKERS: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (Willy Wonka has daddy issues?), Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (meta-chloriwhatins?).

2. Two many stars spoil the pot.

Don't get me wrong. I understand the need for them, and there are plenty of great genre movies filled with great stars. The stars in this movie are taken from A-list, B-list, and TV, causing every scene to be a game of "where did I see that guy before." Their talents are underused in their brief, side-roles, and some of them seem to be cast against type. (An un-funny John Cleese.) You want to make movies that will legitimize the stars, not cast stars to legitimize the movie. Here's a tip: Save your celebrities for the meaty roles, or, if you want to be risky, use a no-name in the main part and give him some celebrity supports. (This is what happened with Al Pacino in The Godfather. That worked out pretty well, as I recall.)

3. Special effects are not a substitute for story.

The effects are really cool. I will give it that. That did not stop me from being bored or confused during many of the effects scenes. I love GORT's giant red eye, but what were those scientists thinking when they put him in a room where he could watch everything they were doing? Whether they know it or not, people love a good story. Effects exist to compliment the plot. The plot should not be altered to have an excuse for nifty effects.

EXCEPTIONS TO THIS RULE: When someone has to invent a new technology just to create the effect, making the effect way too cool to miss. (eg: Terminator 2, The Matrix)

4. If you're going to modernize, do it right.

One of the reasons the original Day the Earth Stood Still was so effective was that it spoke to the cold-war paranoia of the time. What issue did the remake speak to? Violence is bad. The eco-system is good. Not exactly hard-hitting. There is brief reference to a non-specific war, I assume Iraq, but the filmmakers never named it. Iron Man made a smooth move by letting their superhero be captured by terrorists, and even Watchmen's alter-80s universe, even though it was period, spoke to themes that are still issues today. Aliens are going to destroy the world! This is a global issue! Make it feel global. Make it feel NOW. The alliance of alien worlds wants to wipe out any rising cultures that look like they might present a threat to their way of life. Does sound like any issues you can think of in the world today? Why was this not brought to the forefront?

5. Don't forget your audience.

Speaking of modernizing, you do realize that people today like fast-hitting action, right? Judging by the previews, most of the people going to see this (the ones who don't know much about the original) will be looking for some alien carnage, not a moony Keanu Reeves touching spheres and ducking nanites. If you wanted to make a drama, you should have cast a dramatic actor. If you wanted to make a homage, you should have set it in the 50s. But no, you wanted to appeal to modern audiences. Though we sci-fi geeks might have hated you for it, you might at least win over the modern action-junkie with a few more explosions and a lot less Jennifer Connelly trying to impress her bratty step-son. You can't please everyone. That's just how it is. Decide who you want to please and stick with it. Go big or go home.

6. Don't fix what ain't broken!

I have to ask. Why remake this movie anyway? Sure, the original is preachy and dated, but we still love it. What is with the trend of taking good movies from the past and turning them into mediocre movies of the present? (Psycho, Miracle on 34th Street, Planet of the Apes, King Kong, The Pink Panther, etc. etc. etc.) If you want your children to love it as much as you do, show them your old VHSs, tell them about what an impact the movie made at the time, and move on. If they don't like it, they don't like it. It's okay. They'll make their own classics and try to convince their kids that Jurassic Park really was scary in the theater. Idea. How about we take bad movies with good concepts and turn them into good movies? Remember the movie The Island? Ewan McGregor. Scarlett Johanson. Not spectacular, but it was pretty good. Its plot actually came off an older movie that was so bad, that it was featured on Mystery Science Theater. Bad movie turned into decent movie. We can start a trend.

7. Instead of remaking the movie, why not go back to the original story?

The Day the Earth Stood Still was actually inspired by a short story called "Farewell to the Master" by Harry Bates. It is, of course, completely different from either of the movies, which is why it would be interesting if someone decided to make one more like the story. In all likelihood, you're not going to read it, so I'll ruin the ending. The robot turns out to be the master. Now wouldn't that be interesting?

Well, that covers it. To sum up, this remake won't have you chanting "Klaatu Barada Niktu", but it might give you some nice eye-candy for an hour and a half.

AND THE 'NICELY DONE AWARD' GOES TO....

Robert Wise, the director of the original!

Why? Because he's awesome, and without him, no one would have thought that movie was worth remaking in the first place. Nicely done, Robert!

THE GOD FACTOR:

The original definitely had messianic over tones. The main character comes to earth with a message of goodwill and a warning of repentance, is killed, resurrected, and ascends back into space. The remake has much of the same story elements, although the Jesus allegory is not quite so obvious.

THE 10-SECONDS THE EARTH STOOD STILL:

(knock, knock)

SOLDIER: Come with us.

HELEN: Why?

SOLDIER: It's a secret.

HELEN: Is that an alien ship landing in central park?

SOLDIER: umm....

(The ship opens. Klaatu walks out.)

KLAATU: I come in peace.

OFFICER: Kill it!

(They shoot it. One autopsy later, they discover that it is still alive and it looks like Keanu Reeves.)

SCIENTIST: Kill it!

HELEN: That's a little harsh. I think I'll help it escape.

KLAATU: No, thanks. I got it.

(They escape.)

HELEN: By the way, meet my step-son, Jacob.

JACOB: Kill it!

KLAATU: Cute kid. By the way, we're planning on destroying Earth.

HELEN: Don't do that.

KLAATU: I'll think about it.

(His robot, Gort, starts destroying Earth.)

HELEN: I thought you said you had to think about it.

KLAATU: This is how I think.

HELEN: Looks like we might die. I love you, Jacob.

JACOB: I love you too, even if you're an evil step-mom.

KLAATU: Humans are capable of love? Hmm. Too bad we already starting destroying things.

HELEN: Can't you stop it?

KLAATU: Destroying a civilization is like eating a bag of chips. Once you start, it's hard to stop.

HELEN: At least save the two of us!

KLAATU: Okay, I'll take my robots and leave.

HELEN: Before you go, what's the meaning of life?

KLAATU: Be excellent to each other.

HELEN AND JACOB: Woa.