How to Watch the "Watchmen"

This is not a superhero movie. Let's just go ahead and lay that out right now. Yes, it is about superheroes. Yes, men run around in funny outfits and masks fighting crime. But this is not a superhero movie. If that is what you are expecting, Watchmen isn't for you.

The original graphic novel, penned in the mid-80s by Alan Moore, focused mostly on the question: What would the world be like if there really were masked vigilantes? The result wasn't pretty. After all, anyone who runs around at night in leather underwear beating up criminals is not going to be right in the head. Just as shocking as the state of the heroes is the state of the world. In this alter-80s, cold war paranoia is at its height, America has won the Vietnam war, Nixon's been elected for a 3rd term, the world is on the brink of nuclear war, and the public has developed a hatred of costumed heroes. Director Zack Snyder (300) made every effort to keep the movie consistent with the book. My complaint is not about what differed, but about what was NOT changed.

You will think that since this is a Christian blog that I am about to criticize the graphic sex and violence. Though these things can be tough to take, particularly if you are one of the many who weren't expecting it, the graphicness cannot be fully removed without also dulling the hard edge of the story. (I do, however, ask the viewer to exercise extreme discretion.) Then again, this is a movie, not a graphic novel, and what works well on paper does not always work well on screen. Filtering is the necessary and inevitable result of adaptation. If the audience cannot pay attention to the story because they are too distracted by Dr. Manhattan's big blue, um, man-parts, then perhaps one should consider shooting from a different angle. The continuous use of flashbacks, which was artistically crafted in side-by-side panels in the comic, becomes disorienting when put on the screen. The actors, who seem to have been cast entirely on their ability to resemble the character drawings, deliver their lines at each other like the best of soap-opera stars. This is not entirely their fault, however, since the film is so reliant on visuals that they clearly were posed in front of blue screens and had no creative flexibility, which good actors require in order to disappear into their characters. The music, though well chosen, was poorly mixed into the scenes, causing just another distraction.

Despite these criticisms, the story remains good and the characters are wonderfully complex. The big change at the climax (which I will not reveal here) is arguably more coherent than the climax of the original. The biggest standout is the character of Rorschach (Jackie Earle Haley, Little Children), a psychotic but uncompromising vigilante who spends most of the movie concealed behind his ink-blot mask. The Comedian, around whose death the plot is centered, is also well portrayed (by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, P.S. I Love You, Grey's Anatomy) although death didn't leave him much screen time. The action sequences are well done, but there are great lengths of time between them. Patience is required.

So who should watch the Watchmen? Hardcore comic fans, thinkers, and all those who are curious about the idea of what might happen to the world if everyone decided to play God. Who shouldn't watch it? The squeamish and the impatient. If you're looking for a few hours of blissful escapism, this movie is not for you. For the rest, I recommend checking it out.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go wash my brain out with Superman, so that I can renew my faith in the wholesome superhero.

My Rating: Story -- A    Execution -- C+

AND THE 'NICELY DONE' AWARD GOES TO....

Production Designer Alex McDowell and the visual effects team!

It's a tie! From sets to costuming, the design and look of of this film was painstakingly crafted to match the world of the bleak alter-80s. No detail was missed. (Except in a few places. Thank you for changing Silk Specter's costume!) Combined with the stunning visual effects (that translucent glow off of Dr. Manhatten's, um, shoulders), Watchmen came to life in all of its grungy glory. Nicely done, Alex! Nicely done, visual effects team!

*PARENTAL WARNING!*

UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD A CHILD BE BROUGHT TO THIS FILM! This is not a "superhero" movie. The good guys aren't good and the bad guys are even worse. The Dark Knight was a walk in the park. This movie is rated R for many, very good, reasons.  Give your kid an Iron Man DVD and go see Watchmen by yourself.

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THE 10-SECOND WATCHMEN:

THE COMEDIAN: Life's a joke. (dies)

RORSCHACH: Life's a cesspool.

DR. MANHATTEN: Life is insignificant.

NITE OWL: Life is dull.

OZYMANDIAS: I can kill you with my brain.

SILK SPECTRE: But there are good things about life too!

NITE OWL: I've changed my mind. You're hot.

DR. MANHATTEN: You're all just talking ants to me. (leaves earth)

RORSCHACH: And they think I'm crazy.

OZYMANDIAS: Perhaps there's a way I can save civilization AND kill you with my brain...

SILK SPECTRE: Umm....

NITE OWL: Maybe we should talk about this...

RORSCACH: Maybe if I bash some heads....

DR. MANHATTEN: (returns to earth) After careful consideration, I've decided life is good.

SILK SPECTRE: That's a relief. Are you going to help us?

DR. MANHATTEN: Can't. Time paradox and all. Before I go would you like me to blow anyone up?

RORSCHACH: This is insane!

(Dr. Manhatten blows [undisclosed person] up.)

NITE OWL: So that's that.

SILK SPECTRE: I guess so

NITE OWL: Wanna make out?

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